So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
