I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
