6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
