Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
