I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize