either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is my gift to your gina
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
