Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
