He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
