Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
