This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
