the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
