Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
