a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize