If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
