We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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