heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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