I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
