The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
