I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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