hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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