SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
