I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
