you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
