Cold hands, warm shart.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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