my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize