How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
