I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
