You made me cry and you don't even care
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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