K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
