I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Welp...herpes.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
