they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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