I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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