She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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