whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
