He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
