I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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