Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
