If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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