I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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