I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
