Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
