I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
