his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
