I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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