i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
