yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
