Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
