I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
