You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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