why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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