Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize