I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
try to milk me bitch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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