I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
