I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
