Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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