Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize