You smell like stripper and shame
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
