he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
