is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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