We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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