the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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