He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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