I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
